They say that marriage is a journey, a journey that's often filled with twists and turns, ups and downs, and moments that test the very core of a relationship. As I look back on nearly four years of being married to an exceptional man – someone responsible, reliable, trustworthy, and yet being a pain in the ass sometimes – I can't help but reflect on the rollercoaster ride that has brought us to this point.
If I had to give a score to our marriage, it would be 9.5 out of 10. From various conversations and moments we've shared, we feel extremely satisfied and happy with our relationship and the little family we've built. Like any other relationship, our marriage has had its share of ups and downs, sharp turns, but through it all, we've always come back together and grown stronger. In our case, he always lead us to grown stronger together as I have tendency to run away from problems that we face.
What were the considerations when deciding to get married? This is a question that often haunts many of us when embarking on a new chapter in life. For me, there are a few key principles that helped me in making this decision:
- Mutual feelings are the key: If mutual feelings of love and support are the prevailing emotions, then marriage has a strong foundation to grow and flourish. It's important not to compromise on who you are just to be loved by someone. A healthy marriage is about feeling valued and loved without having to change yourself.
- True Friendship: Marriage, to me, is about finding a lifelong bestie. It's a commitment to someone with whom you can enjoy every moment, engage in meaningful conversations, grow old together, place your unwavering trust, and know that they'll always be there for you. While it might sound like a tall order, it essentially encompasses all the qualities you need bundled within one extraordinary person.
What is the key to a happy marriage? In my very short experience, a thriving marriage hinges on a few critical elements:
- Open and Honest Communication: A thriving marriage is founded on the bedrock of open and honest communication. From the very beginning, we've made it a priority to be completely transparent with one another, even when tackling challenging topics. Instead of allowing problems to simmer beneath the surface, we've, uhm.. my husband always believed in addressing them head-on. He has better self-awareness when something about to become a problem.
Our conversations, though at times demanding, have only served to deepen our connection. In fact, one of the reasons I chose to marry my husband, and considered him as a potential partner in the first place, was because with him, we could discuss anything with grace, even the most painful and uncomfortable subjects. I firmly believe, and still do, that both of us good in maintaining a very open and honest line of communication. There are countless aspects of the world we must conquer together, and not to conquer each other instead. - Mutual Support: One of the cornerstones of a successful marriage is wholeheartedly backing each other's dreams and aspirations. In our partnership, we've consistently and genuinely encouraged one another to chase our passions. Whether it's embarking on a new career path or pursuing personal projects, the knowledge that your spouse stands by you is truly empowering. When we talk about support, it's not just a superficial concept; it's a reflection of the deep care we have for each other. We've had countless conversations about what the future might hold, including scenarios where I might choose to be a stay-at-home mom or consider a career change. Not once have I heard him say no to the direction my dreams might take, and that unwavering support means the world to me. He has a keen understanding of when I need to spend time with my friends to recharge my social energy. He not only encourages me to go have fun and enjoy myself, but he does so with genuine happiness, knowing that my happiness will radiate back home and enrich our relationship.
- Commitment to Growth: Marriage is not just about being in love; it's also about growing together. We've made it a point to continually work on self-improvement and personal development. This ongoing growth has allowed our relationship to evolve and strengthen over time.
In Islam, marriage is often described as "complete half of deen," signifying its profound importance. I've come to realize that these words hold more truth than I could have ever imagined. Marriage is not just about shared joys and laughter; it's about navigating the complexities of life together. It's about facing hardships and, sometimes, finding ourselves on the precipice of despair, even one or two times I thought I made the worst decision of my life.
Ours is no exception. Our journey, like many others, has included its fair share of challenging moments, disagreements, and adjustments. But it's through these experiences that we've learned to adapt, to compromise, and to appreciate the beauty of our relationship.
It was a moment of reckoning, a test of our commitment to each other and to our shared future. We were at a crossroads, where we could have allowed anger and resentment to drive a wedge between us or summon the strength to work through our issues. Fortunately, we chose the latter. It wasn't an easy path to reconciliation. We had to confront the uncomfortable truths, acknowledge our vulnerabilities, and open ourselves up to difficult conversations.
Through this challenging process, we realized that love isn't just about the good times; it's about the willingness to confront conflicts, hold each other accountable, and work together to overcome them. As the days turned into weeks, we rebuilt the trust and intimacy that had been temporarily shattered. We recommitted to open communication, vowed to listen more deeply to each other's needs, and pledged to put continuous effort into both our individual growth and the strength of our bond. I kid you not, it was not only once or twice, but for every now and then.
It's been a rollercoaster of four years, filled with lessons, laughter, and even tears, but it's a journey we've navigated together. We've emerged from that harrowing argument stronger and more united than ever. The truth is, marriage is hard. It's a commitment to face life's challenges hand in hand and grow as individuals and as a couple. With the right person, a marriage is indeed a journey worth traveling.
May Allah blesses us with a love that grows stronger everyday and a family that fills our heart with happiness. May Allah's blessings unite us in this world and the Hereafter.
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