This idea of "you can't have it all" has been stuck in my mind for who knows how long. I think it comes from my belief that, in this world, everything balances out.
Growing up, I often heard people say, "You have so much potential." For some reason, I hated hearing that. It was meant to motivate and inspire me, but it felt heavy in a way I didn’t understand back then. I imagined a future where I could excel at everything, where I could truly "have it all." But as I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that even when life gives you moments that feel perfect, they’re never without sacrifices.
Looking at my life now, I feel really blessed. I’ve worked hard to reach a comfortable place in the upper-middle class. I’m married to a man who loves me and shows it every day in ways that remind me how lucky I am. My job gives me a steady income and a sense of purpose—something not everyone finds. Both my parents are alive and healthy, and I’m grateful for that every day. From the outside, it might seem like I have it all. But beneath the surface, there are struggles that not everyone sees.
My husband recently started a business, which is exciting but has also brought financial strain. We’ve had to make sacrifices and adjust our lifestyle. And then, there’s something even heavier on our hearts. After five years of marriage, we’re still waiting for the blessing of children. We try to stay hopeful, but the waiting feels endless, and the uncertainty can be overwhelming.
In the midst of all this, something unexpected happened. On December 1st, I became a sudden baker. It started with brownie burnt cheesecakes, and it’s turned into something I’m genuinely proud of. At first, I wasn’t sure how it would go, but the results surprised me. People loved them, and I realized this was something I could truly call my own. It feels like a little victory in a time when life hasn’t been particularly kind. I often joked that life’s been so rough lately, “Ga mungkin kan dapetnya cuman piring gratis,” like those free plates you get when you buy detergent. Maybe this is life’s way of balancing things out—giving me something to hold onto, something meaningful to be proud of.
When I think about my friends, I notice that everyone has their own battles. One of my closest friends seems to have everything: a successful career, a loving husband, and two beautiful kids. But she lost both her parents within a few years, and now she’s dealing with the grief of not having them around for the big moments in her life. Another friend, in her mid-30s, has an amazing job, travels the world, and is fiercely independent. But she’s still single, and even though she doesn’t talk about it much, I know she feels that quiet ache of being without a partner.
These stories remind me that even when someone seems to have it all, they’re probably carrying burdens we don’t see. And during those rare times when it feels like everything in my life is going right, I try to cherish them. I know they won’t last forever because life always finds a way to shift the balance.
There was a time when I felt pressured to live up to the potential people saw in me. But now, I’ve realized life isn’t about meeting others’ expectations. It’s about being content with the choices I make, even when those choices come with sacrifices. If I focus on my career, my personal life might take a backseat. If I prioritize my relationships, my professional goals might slow down. And when I do get those rare moments of “having it all,” I remind myself to enjoy them while they last.
I’ve come to see these trade-offs as part of life’s rhythm. They teach me to be humble, to appreciate what I have, and to be kind to myself when things don’t go as planned. Every phase of life has its own balance, and learning when to hold on and when to let go is part of living well.
So no, you can’t have it all. But life is generous enough to give us moments that feel like we do. They don’t last, and they come with their own sacrifices, but they’re reminders of how rich and complex life is. These fleeting moments teach us to live fully and appreciate every season for what it brings. Life gives us glimpses of perfection, and then gently pulls us back to balance. And maybe, just maybe, when life feels unfair, it surprises us with a brownie burnt cheesecake we never saw coming.
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