Gratitude

I was in the midst of a thick fog of losing. That much was obvious. The conversation with my husband last night somehow landed softly at the bottom of my heart, and maybe that was exactly what I needed.

He said, “Instead of making a list of things you didn’t get to do with your mom, why don’t you count the things you’ve done with her, and the things you’ve done for her?” It sounded so classic, so cliché, and yet it was the very thing I had been longing to hear after weeks of gloomy, stormy weather.

I really hope time will soften and ease whatever I am going through, and indeed Allah is the best planner. In this grief, maybe my work now is to keep counting, not what’s gone, but what was given. And of course, Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal for having been loved by the best person I will ever know, my mama.

Allahumma ighfir li-ummii warhamha wa ‘afiha wa‘fu ‘anha.