My Dearest Husband,
This birthday love letter comes late and I apologize for that. I hope it doesn’t lower your excitement to read. I am not really good at articulating my words, thus I took some time to verbalize my thoughts.
Having you as my partner is nothing less than a blessing, as you are the only constant in my life who has always stood by me through thick and thin, the strongest support system I’ll have for a very long time. You know, I am not really (yet) a religious person, but I couldn’t imagine myself with anybody else but you, in this world or hereafter. May Allah SWT bless us to have the love that lasts till Jannah (aamiin ya rabbal alamin) and May Allah grant us to be together later in His Paradise.
Anyway…
To begin with, please allow me to talk about Love.
The ups and downs we have collected over the last couple of years has become solid proof for us to learn and unlearn a few things here and there, the ones we brought into ours - for the benefit of our relationship. There may be a lot more to come, to unfold before our eyes, to enchant us into doing something we never knew that we are capable of, like giving ourselves more for the greater good of companionship.
We have been saying “I love you” and “I love you too” every other day. It’s easy to love a person when things around us are going great. In the course of marriage (and for years onward), it’s actually the field to cultivate this important skill, to love one dearly even when the situation seems incomparable.
“..love is a skill, not just an enthusiasm.”
Love is a verb, indeed. If anyone should learn, it’s not a mere passion, feelings, excitement. It also comes with sacrifices, respect, admiration, appreciation, and it comes with the details of considerate actions, how to still be tender whilst your heart is on fire of rage. I learned that loving someone is mostly about sacrifice. To make it work, we have to be ready to let go of a certain degree of comfort and compromise on more than a handful of things.
There are days, when things turn shitty, the least expected. I tried to love you when you are really unlovable, when you are being tough on me, and when you are being difficult. Sometimes, I thought my feelings for you had worn off - but not really. They are still there and I was quite busy being upset instead of caring for you. As the hard time passes, I found myself admiring you just like the other day.
There are days when both of us are just a couple of stonehead who put the walls up to defend ourselves from heartache perhaps, or disappointment or disapproval or any fear that may suffer us. I hope both of us do not let the slight moment of downturn consume the rest of our relationship.
Sometimes I think I couldn’t love you even harder because I felt my heart could not contain the excitement and it was going to burst and explode.
Sometimes I think I couldn’t even fathom what I would be if you ever leave me.
Sometimes I think I didn’t like you because you were so annoying and irritating. (How could I end up in this situation in the first place, duh?)
Sometimes I think words are just mere words, because action speaks louder than words and perhaps my letter means a waste when I didn’t act accordingly.
However, one has to make a choice every day, doesn't it? We choose to love each other every single day, even when it’s difficult. It is a choice, one that is never too late to make. I hope both of us are able to see each other naked, I mean with all honesty and vulnerability in our entirety (literally and figuratively) and still love each other as a whole and fiercely.
Secondly, I would like to talk about Friendship
I am a firm believer that friendship is the rock foundation to sustain a lifelong commitment, to have a healthy, happy marriage and family. Especially the platonic type. You know, the type that you kind of enjoy each other's company without anything physical, able to talk about random and trivial things for hours, comfortable to speak our insecurities and fears before sleep, and to help each other in many ways. If I may coin the terms, friendship carries the qualities of common kindness, honesty, empathy, loyalty and trust, basically everything needed to create a high quality relationship.
When I enter this relationship, I believe that we are colliding two previously separated worlds that have been built for quite some time and it may become quite catastrophic. But I knew, I could always be friends with you, the good quality one, because before all of the .. ehm, you know. Lol. We were in quite platonic conversation and I was always excited to have conversation with you - it always ended up that we were talking for hours.
I find you admirable. From the moment we talked for the first time, I knew I’d love to hang out with you for quite a long time. You speak my language. I can only sense that you felt the same way too - or otherwise, you would not spend such an amount of time on me, no? And as time passes it’s not only that you are so easy to be with, but you are the most thoughtful person I know and I know you’ll be a great man/father/husband/best friend/lover figure in one package.
We are here with our strength, shortcomings, and mess. With every trial we overcome together, we unroll new things from us, mostly being surprised at something new about ourselves. As a really good friend, we will be encouraging each other to embrace ourselves, individually and as a partner in life, to accept each other unconditionally, and to help each other grow with compassion. And I will always support you wholeheartedly.
One day, when we get much older, like in 30-40 years from now. I can imagine us sitting on the terrace of our countryside home, watching the sunset and reminiscing how stupid we were when we were young, insignificant and trivial fights that led into few days of silent treatment (I mean from me). However, we were grateful that we made it through for all these decades and still hand in hand enjoying each other's companionship. We grew up in the same direction and the same pace, because we are each other's home, solar system, and universe, and of course we did together.
My Dearest Husband,
On your 36th Birthday (man, you’re old :p)
Definitely I wish you all the best things in life, as much as they can give you. Being healthy for all year long, to make adventurous and productive years, conquering satisfying milestone in life, to have all the supports your need to reach all of your vision and dream, the contentment every night to sleep and rest well, I hope you can enlarge capacity to pick the good things of what life offers and to expand your comfort zone. I wish you to get stronger against all odds, tides and currents. To have more tenderness despite the challenges and hardship out there, to be the one that our family looked up to, the one that set the bar high for our family (in a good way), and the one for all of us (me and the kidsssss) to come home.
I am looking forward to traveling to more places and adventures, to building our heartwarming home and our family.
I wish us to grow up and grow old together, side by side, love each other hard and unconditionally fid dunya wal akhirah. I love you with all my heart.
Love,
Puspa
PS. Please re-read this letter whenever you are mad at me.
PSS. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ZWFSBeVIDZqUuqNm0ay1H?si=cfd243e65a2b4ae5
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